Welcome to the website for Kelly Bryson MA, MFT. In it you will find a Cornucopia of information about Nonviolent Communication (sm), including a calendar of local groups, classes and presentations, a way to order books, audio & video tapes, info about presentations or trainings for your business, church or organization, and links to regional and international Centers.
Kelly Bryson MA, MFT is a licensed psychotherapist and authorized trainer for the international
Center for Nonviolent Communication (a nonprofit organization). Included
here are Kelly's speaking topics, his new best selling book "Don't Be Nice, Be Real.
Balancing Passion for Self with Compassion for Others. COVER TEXT: A
Handbook to Compassionate Communication",
and an
anthology Kelly contributed to: "The Marriage of Sex and Spirit:
Relationship at the Heart of Conscious Evolution" (With Deepak Chopra, Marianne Williamson, John Gray, John Bradshaw, Wayne Dyer, Thich
Nhat Hanh, Riane Eisler, Barbara Marx Hubbard has
been voted "Best Health / Sexuality Book" in the Best Books 2006 National Book
Awards.)
testimonials
about his work, free original articles like "Don't pay the Price of
being Nice", poems like "The Places you could go if you
weren't afraid of No", list of organizations served, his resume and
biography.
We are a growing network of people who value conscious choice in all relationships, personal power, high caliber negotiation skills, highly refined intimacy skills, nonviolence, empathy and self responsible honesty. We work together to create a community supportive of the consciousness of tolerance, autonomy, compassion, and interdependence.
Kelly is now
also collaborating with Nonviolent Communication Santa Cruz (NVCSC website is www.nvcsantacruz.org). Our Center for Compassion is located at at 225
Rooney St. at the Morrissey Exit of Hwy 1 in Santa Cruz, complete with offices
and group training rooms.
Nonviolent Communication (sm) (NVC), sometimes called "Giraffe
Language", is a process that strengthens our ability to inspire compassion
from others and respond compassionately to others and ourselves. NVC guides us
to reframe how we express ourselves and how we hear others by focusing our
consciousness on what we are observing, feeling, needing, and requesting.
It is a language of empathy and honesty, and is sometimes described as "the language of the heart."
Call Kelly Bryson at 1-877-NO FEARS (663-3277)
Or 1- 831-462-EARS (3277)
Or Email him at Kelly@LanguageofCompassion.com
Kelly is now a part of Nonviolent Communication Santa Cruz NVCSC. See our website at www.NVCSantaCruz.org
Click below for Kelly's Podcast Interview with Chip August, HAI FAcilitator and Sex, Love, and Intimacy expert
Subject: "Communication as a Path to Intimacy"
Join Kelly and Chip as they examine the ineffective and sometimes tragic ways that people use to communicate. Discover new techniques and approaches to communicating and listening to feelings and experiences. And don't miss Kelly's two exercises to improve communication in your life.
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INonviolent community and new culture principles as offered by Dieter Duhm of the Zegg community (www.zegg.de) (with a slight modification for an American culture). Twelve Theses for a Non-violent Culture 1. Home for the Children. In a non-violent world children grow up in confidence and trust. The future of humanity depends on the fate of its children. A childhood marked by distrust and violence will not produce humane beings. Provide a home to children where they can again trust their parents. 2. Love and Trust. Love is the source of humane thinking and non-violent action. Love comes from trust and trust comes from truth. Create living environments where human beings have no reason for lies and fear. Create the social and ecological conditions for love. Confidence and love are the most fundamental powers in all of creation. 3. Sexuality. Sexuality is an elementary force of life and of the joy of existence. Sexuality is autonomous. It can neither be controlled by patriarchal marriage pledges demanding obedience, nor by tight external moral constrictions; instead it needs truth and trust. Create the moral and social conditions for healthy sexuality. 4. Partnership. Partnership is the highest form of relationship. It has its roots in a common way of thinking. In no way is partnership in opposition to a consensus-based sexual morality, because it is itself free of jealousy. True partnership is the most radical model for a relationship between human beings that is free of violence and fear. Create the mental basis for a partnership free of jealousy. 5. Community. The organic environment for human beings is the community. Natural values like truth, trust, solidarity and responsible participation without philosophical nit-picking can only be realized within communities that have developed organically. The non-violent society of human beings is a network of communities who value consensus and a common unity, and whose ultimate goal is a world where everyone’s needs are met nonviolently. Only in this way can the original concept of socialism be brought to reality in a humane way. Create functioning communities. 6. Freedom and Autonomy of the Individual. A free world comprises individuals who say what they think and share what touches them. They are not subordinate to anything but their own knowledge and consciousness. The mature community is a grassroots democracy of free individuals. It is a human collective that is not collectively led in the name of a leader or an ideology. The individual and the community are equal and complementary forces in a non-violent world. 7. Thinking. The reflecting intellect is a young and powerful fruit on the tree of evolution. Free and creative thinking dissolves all rigid ideologies. The secrets of existence are beyond all scientific or religious terminology. Individual autonomy is a direct result of a thinking that is free of fear. Overcome all creeds and dogmas of scientific and political systems. Create universities for the powers of growth inherent in free thinking. 8. Religion. Just like Eros and the intellect, spirituality is one of the elemental powers of human existence. We live in an endless radiant universe. Everything we are and everything surrounding us has roots in the universe. Spiritual love is the connectedness with the whole. Therefore we do not need a religious confession nor predetermined answers. The answer will come through the spiritual opening of the mind. Create a free religious spirit without laws and without dogmas. 9. Nature. Nature is our link with creation. We are its offspring, like a child that is born from its mother’s womb. The secret of human existence is part of the secret of nature. Whatever we do to nature we do to ourselves. The outer and inner environment are two aspects of the same world. Let us take care of Mother Nature and become aware of the processes of growth and their rhythms and interrelatedness. Cooperation with all vital energies and respect for life are the prerequisites for a non-violent and humane civilization. 10. Animals. Stop all cruelty toward animals. Like us they are part of the living organism of the biosphere. Like us they are beings with souls, just at a different level of evolution. In a non-violent culture, whales are not killed, animals are not kept for slaughter, and fur farming does not exist. Create spaces for a coexistence of human beings and animals that is free of fear. Animals do not exist for us to slaughter but to help us to learn to see. 11. Biotopes for Healing. All of the thoughts above join together to form a new biotope for healing. Such a biotope contains the informational totality for a non-violent existence on planet Earth. Create pilot models for this informational totality. Create international centers where the social, technical, ecological and spiritual structures are such that the healing powers of lifeŃtrust, Eros, Logos and symbiosisŃare promoted in the best possible way. 12. Networks of Human Beings. Today, within all countries and cultures on earth, there are people who have irrevocably understood the necessity of a positive inner and outer revolution. They all contribute certain thoughts, certain convictions, and certain aspects to the overall view of the tasks at hand. It is not machines but people who decide if a future worth living is possible. In that spirit we want to invite you to join the network for a non-violent earth. A Utopian Reality I have heard of courageous people who risk their lives on Greenpeace boats, placing themselves between whalers’ harpoons, and the whales they would protect. Some of them hate the whalers, in an unconscious attempt to work out their authority issues with these projections of their own patriarchal fathers and culture. Others, in the same boat, may have done more of their inner work. They are now answering the call of a real authority, one that compels them to protect and love the whales. I would ask us all to ask ourselves this question: Are we hating the whalers or loving the whales? If we are hating the whalers, we will become like whalers, contributing to the consciousness that allows humankind’s domination of the earth and seas. If we do our inner healing work, then we can stay focused in our love for the whales, ourselves and Mother Earth. From this energy we can truly start creating conscious nonviolent partnership communities and relationships. Then we will not be afraid to realize our potential for power, for our souls will finally and truly trust our benevolent intentions. Some people are tired of all the work involved in trying to save fundamentalists from their oppression of women, children and sexuality, as well as shape up the schools, convert corporate culture, and topple autocratic governments all before breakfast. Lately I too have had much more passion for creating a new partnership culture and community for myself, my family and my close friends, rather than trying to change the old culture. I think there is a line in the Bible that says, “Don’t put new wine into old wineskins.” I also believe that as people sense the clarity, warmth and respect being expressed through the members of these new partnership communities, those living in Dominator organizational systems will want to join. Maybe we don’t have to tear down Dominator organizational systems. Maybe they will wither away from lack of interest. If we create community systems that better meet peoples’ needs for respect, acceptance, sexuality, closeness, giving, gender equality, emotional safety, empathy, celebration, warmth, and support, perhaps people will simply quit participating in Dominator organizations. Perhaps they will quit putting time and money into their Dominator churches and clubs, their dysfunctional school systems and governments controlled by old boy networks. The Nobel Prize winner and discoverer of the polio vaccine, Jonas Salk, wrote in his book Anatomy of Reality that a new culture will evolve through a new science of empathy based on both reason and intuition “to bring about a change in the collective mind that will constructively influence the course of the human future.” I believe many people are itching to involve themselves in viable alternative partnership communities. Peoples’ souls are longing for a place to contribute their gifts, to play with others who are really fun, to create schools with people who share more humane values and, live with those who are more alive. Creating Your Own Compassionate Community A conscious community is the best resource anyone can have, particularly for growth and joy. As psychiatrist Jean Baker Miller writes, “[the longing for community] allows for the emergence of the truth: that for everyone men as well as women individual development proceeds only by means of affiliation.” If you do not have one, you can cocreate one with your friends. I just started inviting my friends and their friends to do some of the following activities, and gradually the need to become more organized so we could enjoy even more community spirit experience arose. Here are some examples from “Communities” magazine (www.ic.org) of the kinds of activities that form the “glue” needed for community building: 1. Personal sharing time. 2. Conflict resolution time. 4. Shared meals. 4. Decision-making that includes everyone. 5. Children in the community. 6. Shared values, a common vision and purpose. 7. Appreciating and acknowledging each other. 8. Singing, dancing, making music. 9. Celebrations and rituals. 10. Snuggling, puppy piles. 11. Creating theatrical performances. 12. Cocreating projects like a newsletter or event. 13. Working together on projects that serve not only the community but the environment, the city, the country, the world. What I am writing about is not a nice utopian dream, because it is already happening in many places around the world. Besides the Human Awareness Institute communities, NVC communities, and New Thought churches, there are many, many other evolving conscious organizations. Of course the communities that are the strongest are the ones that emerge organically, without a charismatic leader or school of philosophy or religion, as this often leads to endless nit-picking about what is or is not correct. On another level, there is a new community that does not exist. It is awakened within the heart, through the quality of connection we make with the real people in our lives. It rises up in our hearts when our compassion for the suffering of the world is touched. This new community (which already exists is now physically manifesting at Shangri La) is invisible. But it shows itself through your eyes, your touch, your words, and your actions. Dieter Duhm said it this way:What then follows is cultural work with ourselves and the way we lead our daily lives. Our suffering is a signal from a life that is not lived. Healing consists of recognizing and living that “unlived” life. To surmount our deeply engrained restraints, our fears and weariness, our much too cozy humanness, and our alternative gardens of refuge, we need an experimental milieu in which such a transformation is understood and affirmed. We need an inner centering and free communication outwards. That is the key for a new culture. It includes new forms of living together, raising children, new forms of love and sexuality. The creation of a life-oriented culture requires the creation of a new social and emotional space where people can again learn to live and breathe freely. Such places would create the most dependable healing power against fear and hatred, love. Many new leaders in the quest for this life-oriented culture are emerging and pointing the way to a more enlightened ethics, as Eisler describes here:Some writers, such as the anthropologist Gayle Rubin, have taken the position that a new sexual ethic should revolve primarily around whether sex is consensual. However, she qualifies this by adding that rather than the traditional division between acceptable or good sex as heterosexual, married, monogamous, and reproductive, and bad sex as anything else sexual acts should be judged, “by the way partners treat one another, the level of mutual consideration, the presence or absence of coercion, and the quantity and quality of the pleasure they provide.” This new culture would have as the measure of morality the value of consensus instead of conformity or coercion. It would stress compassion, instead of control, pleasure instead of pain. This would apply to all areas of human interactions, whether it be sexuality, business, government, family life or communication. But because sexuality is the spiritual core of our love and physical life, and the linchpin that Dominator forces use to accumulate power over societies, these new ethics must apply most vigorously to our sexuality. Riane Eisler describes the process of developing the new culture as a shift in paradigms. She writes, if we succeed in completing the cultural shift from a dominator to a partnership social and ideological organization, we will see a real sexual revolution one in which sex will no longer be associated with domination and submission but with the full expression of our powerful human yearning for connection and for erotic pleasure. It will be a sexuality that will make it possible for us to more fully express and experience sexual passion as an altered state of consciousness. It will also bring the recognition that erotic pleasure can be imbued with a spirituality that is both immanent and transcendent. And it will combine greater sexual freedom with greater empathy, respect, responsibility, and caring.This new culture would not value being one of the nice, dead, conforming “sheople” of the community, but would value holistic selfishness based on an awareness of the unity of life. It would value service to the collective society, but not at the expense of the individual and honor the ecological interrelationship between ourselves, nature and each other. The ability to control how love and sexuality are dispensed allows the dynamic of domination to emerge in a couple or in a culture. Love and sexuality can be spiritual forces for the nurturing of harmony within individuals and groups as long as the sacredness and primacy of free will and autonomy is maintained.
Directions to Shangri La From Hwy 17 |
